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Road Rage;
Title: Road Rage;
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Alistair, the Warden, Morrigan, Leliana
Rating: PG-13 because really
Warnings: look at the character list
Summary: Once upon a time, a road trip seemed like a good idea.
Dedication: go away bro ugh this is gross. so many years. so many christmases. ugh!!!
(also i think i promised this to you like 50000 years ago so consider this a vignette until i actually do it)
--
A road trip, fitting all appearances and suspicions, was a terrible fucking idea.
Alistair had known it would be. He had known. He had tried to say so! He had even tried to appeal to the Warden, but she'd been of no help whatsoever, simply offering him the choice between two gums, one minty and one fruity.
He'd picked the fruity one and that's the one she bought.
And he'd forgotten all about his complaints until they were back in the car, and then he'd let loose again, except at some point Morrigan just turned up the radio to drown him out, and he thought it was really quite insulting that she tried to tune him out to One Direction.
It was worse when Leliana started to sing along.
--
This had started with good intentions. They all had to go, after all. Oghren's wedding wouldn't attend itself, and they were all dirt poor, aside from Wynne, who chose to fly, lucky bastard except he'd never think that because she was really a very charming woman really, and Zevran who just... disappeared and said he'd make it there himself. Very strange.
So... they had to drive. And they decided that if they all pitched in on gas money, they could make a road trip out of it and save money and perhaps survive the trip.
Maybe they would even make it to the wedding. Wouldn't that be something?
Alistair looked at the sight of Morrigan in the shotgun seat and doubted it was going to happen.
--
The first problem appeared when it became clear Leliana had road rage.
They'd chosen her to drive because...well, because Morrigan was obviously not an option, and the Warden had shrugged it off when asked, and Alistair couldn't...actually drive. So Leliana it was. She seemed like a safe option, and she even had a legitimate driver's license! That was incredible, and also the first thing that Alistair thought had gone right.
And thus with Morrigan in the front seat alongside Leliana, Alistair and the Warden left in the back, and Leliana at the wheel, they set off.
It was peaceful enough to begin, if awkwardly quiet--it seemed nobody was all too good at small talk in this car. The Warden was just offering Alistair a piece of gum (fruity, ah right, of course) when the car swerved.
Some very choice language escaped Leliana, words of which Alistair was pretty certain he had never heard used in that combination or tone before.
And then, suddenly, they were speeding up.
No amount of begging or yelling or pleading would stop Leliana as she floored it to catch up with the "self-entitled prick with apparently no sense of vision or sense" (her words, not his), at which point problem number two became obvious.
Problem number two was that said self-entitled prick was actually a police car.
Alistair watched as the police officer slowly looked over at them, and for a long moment, it looked as though they might have gotten away with it--and then Morrigan, with her fine-tuned sense for horrible timing, said some very rude words.
They weren't yelled. They weren't even said loudly. But Alistair was positive she exaggerated the movements of her lips just to be sure the cops couldn't miss them, and yep...there went the lights. Leliana, for her part, had decided that fleeing was a sensible tactical choice in this situation, and she floored it.
Alistair was pretty sure this was the worst day of his life.
The Warden chewed her gum.
They were actually making headway, if with a great deal of near-death experiences as Leliana swerved her way through traffic and down side streets and back onto the highway, as Lelianas apparently liked to do when driving (how did she even get her license?!) when the third and final problem slammed a nail into their coffin.
One of their tires blew out.
The car swerved dangerously, skidding a little, and Leliana wrestled with the wheel, somehow managing to bring the off to the shoulder of the highway and not flipping them or killing them. She got out of the car as the police lights came closer, staring at the flat tire with a mournful expression.
The others followed suit, Alistair slowly closing his eyes in horror, before he looked at the Warden, as if for some sort of direction. He could feel Morrigan and Leliana do the same--after all, that was what they had always done, ever since their ragtag friend group had been formed.
The Warden chewed thoughtfully.
And then she blew a bubble (pink, fruity-flavored), and Alistair's shoulders slumped as it popped.
Worst idea ever.
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Alistair, the Warden, Morrigan, Leliana
Rating: PG-13 because really
Warnings: look at the character list
Summary: Once upon a time, a road trip seemed like a good idea.
Dedication: go away bro ugh this is gross. so many years. so many christmases. ugh!!!
(also i think i promised this to you like 50000 years ago so consider this a vignette until i actually do it)
--
A road trip, fitting all appearances and suspicions, was a terrible fucking idea.
Alistair had known it would be. He had known. He had tried to say so! He had even tried to appeal to the Warden, but she'd been of no help whatsoever, simply offering him the choice between two gums, one minty and one fruity.
He'd picked the fruity one and that's the one she bought.
And he'd forgotten all about his complaints until they were back in the car, and then he'd let loose again, except at some point Morrigan just turned up the radio to drown him out, and he thought it was really quite insulting that she tried to tune him out to One Direction.
It was worse when Leliana started to sing along.
--
This had started with good intentions. They all had to go, after all. Oghren's wedding wouldn't attend itself, and they were all dirt poor, aside from Wynne, who chose to fly, lucky bastard except he'd never think that because she was really a very charming woman really, and Zevran who just... disappeared and said he'd make it there himself. Very strange.
So... they had to drive. And they decided that if they all pitched in on gas money, they could make a road trip out of it and save money and perhaps survive the trip.
Maybe they would even make it to the wedding. Wouldn't that be something?
Alistair looked at the sight of Morrigan in the shotgun seat and doubted it was going to happen.
--
The first problem appeared when it became clear Leliana had road rage.
They'd chosen her to drive because...well, because Morrigan was obviously not an option, and the Warden had shrugged it off when asked, and Alistair couldn't...actually drive. So Leliana it was. She seemed like a safe option, and she even had a legitimate driver's license! That was incredible, and also the first thing that Alistair thought had gone right.
And thus with Morrigan in the front seat alongside Leliana, Alistair and the Warden left in the back, and Leliana at the wheel, they set off.
It was peaceful enough to begin, if awkwardly quiet--it seemed nobody was all too good at small talk in this car. The Warden was just offering Alistair a piece of gum (fruity, ah right, of course) when the car swerved.
Some very choice language escaped Leliana, words of which Alistair was pretty certain he had never heard used in that combination or tone before.
And then, suddenly, they were speeding up.
No amount of begging or yelling or pleading would stop Leliana as she floored it to catch up with the "self-entitled prick with apparently no sense of vision or sense" (her words, not his), at which point problem number two became obvious.
Problem number two was that said self-entitled prick was actually a police car.
Alistair watched as the police officer slowly looked over at them, and for a long moment, it looked as though they might have gotten away with it--and then Morrigan, with her fine-tuned sense for horrible timing, said some very rude words.
They weren't yelled. They weren't even said loudly. But Alistair was positive she exaggerated the movements of her lips just to be sure the cops couldn't miss them, and yep...there went the lights. Leliana, for her part, had decided that fleeing was a sensible tactical choice in this situation, and she floored it.
Alistair was pretty sure this was the worst day of his life.
The Warden chewed her gum.
They were actually making headway, if with a great deal of near-death experiences as Leliana swerved her way through traffic and down side streets and back onto the highway, as Lelianas apparently liked to do when driving (how did she even get her license?!) when the third and final problem slammed a nail into their coffin.
One of their tires blew out.
The car swerved dangerously, skidding a little, and Leliana wrestled with the wheel, somehow managing to bring the off to the shoulder of the highway and not flipping them or killing them. She got out of the car as the police lights came closer, staring at the flat tire with a mournful expression.
The others followed suit, Alistair slowly closing his eyes in horror, before he looked at the Warden, as if for some sort of direction. He could feel Morrigan and Leliana do the same--after all, that was what they had always done, ever since their ragtag friend group had been formed.
The Warden chewed thoughtfully.
And then she blew a bubble (pink, fruity-flavored), and Alistair's shoulders slumped as it popped.
Worst idea ever.